OMG, you guys are gonna be so mad. So, you know how Jacob’s like, “I brought you guys to the island because your lives were boring and you were flawed and you didn’t like living in the real world that much anyway? And, like, you have a purpose here, but I’m not stepping in to help you out at all when things go wrong and in fact am going to make things harder on you? Like, when my brother, who’s a smoke monster because I made him a smoke monster, kills you with his smoke? Or when you guys get so annoyed about being on the island that you start killing each other? Or when the ppl I brought to the island in the 70s (?) start killing you? Because I wanted you to prove to me that you were worthy to guard this stupid cave of Thomas Kinkade light that I’m only guarding because my mommy made me guard it and I’m kind of sick of this job and I want to do something else, but I want to make sure that you guys appreciate the job I didn’t want but have been doing kind of half-assedly for the past 14,000 years and whoops, you died again from the monster I created so I guess you didn’t really want the job that you never asked for after all?”

And you know how in Saw, Jigsaw’s like, “I’m dying of cancer and I went out and found a bunch of ppl who aren’t living their lives to the fullest and brought you to this warehouse and want you to fight to get out, because you should appreciate the life that I won’t be able to appreciate eventually? And I’m not gonna help you because that wouldn’t be amusing to me, so I’m going to trap you in horrible contraptions that must have taken a whole lot more time than it’s worth to make and you’re gonna have to, like, cut each other open to find keys to the doors that you can only get to by crawling through ovens and then through freezers and then through poison gas chambers and then through rooms filled with millions of needles and whoops you died from the heat and the cold and the poison gas and the blood so I guess you didn’t want to live after all?”

I told you! I told you it was a crossover! So, the show won’t really end on Sunday because they’re making Saw VII and you’re going to have to go see Saw VII in the theaters, and it’s gonna star all the Lost stars and Jacob’s going to turn out to have been Jigsaw all along and he’s going to make them weave a help message on an enormous loom, and that will be the entire three hours (I know, it’s gonna be three hours! Sucks, right?) of the movie: just watching everyone try to weave. And the ones who just aren’t very good at it will be thrown into the ocean because they didn’t want to be helped enough. Oh, and that whole sideways thing? They’re not even gonna get into it!

I’m so mad at Lost right now.