From an ABC official press release:

“Super fans of both the hit ABC show Lost and the popular painter Thomas Kinkade noticed an interesting connection between two of their favorite pieces of art last Tuesday night. Listservs were abuzz with fans discussing how similar the Mystery Island Soul Hole looked to that of the Painter of Light’s best selling paintings.”

“‘Everything happens for a reason on Lost,’ said producer Mr. Lost, and fans’ questions will be answered on this Sunday’s 5-1/2 hour Lost series finale, when the man himself, Thomas Kinkade, guest stars as the island’s true puppet master.

“‘When Lost first approached me about appearing on the show, I was truly flattered,’ said Mr. Kinkade via Skype interview. ‘I’ve conquered the world of art, home goods, and art galleries dedicated to my art exclusively that inexplicably look like castles (??), but I’ve been wanting to get my hands on a hit television series for a while now and shit on it a lot.’

“The origin of the island will turn out to be an elaborate Kinkade painting; the “light” he so deftly paints with is extracted from the souls of the plane crash survivors who he imprisoned six years ago.

[ATTACHED: This file picture shows what is revealed to be a Thomas Kinkade-altered message hastily scribbled on Penis Boat's hand in the episode Through the Looking Glass, Part 1. (Photo via American Broadcasting Company)]

[ATTACHED: This file picture from the series finale of Lost shows the original message hastily scribbled on Penis Boat's hand in the episode Through the Looking Glass, Part 1. (Photo via American Broadcasting Company)]

“‘I was running out of time,’ said Kinkade, his demonic voice unaltered for the first time. ‘I don’t think people understand how hard it is to harness light for my paintings.’

“For the scoop on this week’s mind-blowing finale, current watcher of the show, Jane, had this to say: ‘Like, you know how Desmond was in the well? And it seemed like he got out of the well? I mean, he did, but he dug a hole underneath and then he ended up in this river and the river got to this house, right?’

“‘And he was like, “I’ve never seen this house before, brotha,” even though there was no one around to hear him? But it wasn’t that big of a deal because, I mean, shit pops up out of nowhere on this island all the time, right? Did I just solve a mystery? Anyway. So, he’s at this house and he’s like, “What’s that tika tika noise?”‘

“‘And then the Smokefather shows up and he’s like, “I’m definitely going to kill you now, because then I can get off the island,” and Desmond’s like, “I don’t think it works that way, because I heard from other Lost episodes that you can’t directly kill any of us or whatever?” and then the Smokefather’s like, “I can possibly rig this house to fall on you, though, maybe, I mean, it’s a possibility.” But then they hear this loud voice that’s like, “Muah hah hah!” or however you spell… You know, like, evil laughter? They hear some evil laughter?’

‘And the camera pans back and it’s Thomas Kinkade, RIGHT?? And, like, SOME GUY! Looking at the painting of Desmond and the Smokefather and it’s like. OMG, right? Lost, guys! It’s over!’ When asked about the other survivors and their fate, Jane filled us in by saying, ‘I don’t know, I think they die in a plane crash or something.’

“And about how the sideways storyline plays into all of this? Mr. Lost gave us the skinny: ‘We’re not gonna get into that.’”