This is Blogging All of TV for the week of April 4th. I mean, all of tv, like, the stuff that I saw. And all of tv, like, the stuff that I saw that was worth grabbing.

Previously on tv:

Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution

Ugh. I’m seriously so sick of this guy and his bogus show. And I’m extra sick of the way he says, “If this [impossibly large task that would need weeks of planning that I supposedly just came up with this morning] works, it’ll be a massive win for us. And if it doesn’t… Well, it’ll be a massive failure.” Boo. This week, he finally figured out that maybe changing the mandatory school-time eating habits of children is not the way to stop all the current obese adults in the town from being buried in enormous coffins. And he also finally noticed the ENORMOUS COLLEGE in the town with approximately 14,000 students.

He bet this guy on the radio that he would get 1000 people to come to his free kitchen and learn how to cook in the next five days. Hey, Jamie? How did you come up with that number? “Because that’s how many people my production company gave extras pay to.” And what a shock when, after days where nobody showed, on the fifth day, he got EXACTLY 1000.

The only thing in this show I’m willing to believe is unscripted is when he forgot which door to his own kitchen was unlocked.

But, then again… This week’s one and only best quote is, “A lot of people are annoyed by me.” You got it, baby.

America’s Next Top Model

We’re up to four jumpsuits in a row. This week, the girls were supposed to learn how to create chemistry with any stranger they might have to do a steamy shoot with. So, they made them awkwardly pretend to not know Nigel (and not know that he’s 100 years old) and try to flirt with him? And then the photo shoot involved counterfeit fashions, because Tyra wanted to heighten awareness of the counterfeit goods industry. Not the mob connections. Or the drug trafficking. Or the child labor. The designers who get bilked out of their extra million dollars each year. They’re the ones who are really suffering. So, they took pictures of them in all counterfeit merchandise, to glamorize the industry? I don’t know.

Tyra didn’t either. That’s why she malfunctioned at panel.

And Andre Leon Talley banished some girl from his wizard kingdom.

Chopped

This contestant had to have been beaten up right before the competition, right?

American Idol

This contestant was performing Hey Jude when I SWORE TO GOD I was seeing a ghost emerge from under those green lights. It turned out to be a bagpiper. But, it looks like a ghost. RIGHT??

Also, Ryan almost fell.

And finally, All My Children

This woman has been acting since the 70s. She has yet to master drinking from a straw.