Yeah, yeah, I know I’ve written about Pretty in Pink before. That was just about the prom dress, though. Sally and I were watching it last night and discussing how annoying Andie is, so I had to outline it. Btw, as lame as I find the idea of Andie and Blaine even wanting to have gone out in the first place, I’m totally not an Andie and Duckie shipper. I think that the idea of putting them together is kind of ridiculous, seeing how the entire movie was about a burgeoning relationship between two people and, between the other two, an unrequited love on one side and an entitled sense of indifference on the other. Why would you WANT Duckie to end up with Andie? She’s kind of a jerk. She treats him like crap, acts like she’s never seen him do something ridiculous to get a laugh before, and constantly plays like she can’t understand him. After 8 years of a very solid friendship.

The whole movie is so awkward, and it’s almost entirely because of Andie. And not because she’s poor or because she’s picked on or because she’s supposed to be a little awkward because it’s high school and she’s supposedly having some kind of Romeo + Juliet moment and you can relate because you’ve been there and you know how it is to feel like you’re on the outside looking in and everyone is talking about you behind their hands and you don’t know if you can stick it out to be with this person, but because Andie is a creep and a half.

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I will watch any ghost related tv show there is. Any one of them. I love reenactments, I love night vision cameras, I love the completely bonkers people that tell their own eyewitness ghost stories. They’re great. One has managed to outshine them all, though.

It’s, like [(Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction + Scariest Places on Earth)xCamp Value] + [(Dead Famous + Haunted History)xIntense Narration] + [{MTV's Fear + VH1's Celebrity Paranormal) to the power of Scared Frat Boy] – Ghost Hunters’ Expensive Equipment + The Complete Bullshit of Most Haunted = Ghost Adventures:

Yeah, Zak, seriously.
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This is how I dance when I’m alone:

This is how I dance after a few drinks:

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Sometime in the 80s, a video version of Clue was made. Clue has always been one of my family’s favorite games (and movies), and I’m not sure where my parents got this, or who from, but it involved a series of video tapes, a few decks of playing cards, and some kind of complicated scoring system. The entire game was way too hard for my sister and brother and me (probably somewhere between 13, 9, and 6) to understand or play. So, we would watch the video. Not the videos, because they were really long and boring, but the introductory 10 minute video.

Like, a lot.

We thought it was really funny. The first bit of the video contained scenes of all of the characters around the mansion getting ready for dinner, presumably before Mr. Body is found dead. It’s a total ham and cheese sandwich. Like the videos they make you watch before you do jury duty.

I guess we watched it so often because we really have always loved all things cable access and watched it all the time when there was real cable access. Like the Channel 8 news where the guy literally sat on a stool in front of the camera with no desk, Wine Dine and Leisure Time where this drunk lady and her friends conned restaurants into giving them free food for an on-camera “review”, and the old PBS specials when nobody famous would be caught dead on PBS. Now it’s harder to find stuff like that, unless you root around the Christian networks. But, this Clue video was serious cable access-style entertainment. And we still say lines from it (“I’m the butler, Didit.” “I’ve never BEEN to Sumatra.”) and remember the whole thing down to the parts where Didit (also the host) would tell you to pause the tape and go over the rules with the group you’re playig with almost twenty years later.

All of this Clue love might account for how much I’ve always loved the Saved by the Bell episode Mystery Weekend, which features Zach embarrassing everyone who ever lived, Lisa hiding behind walls, Clark Kent style deception, and Kelly getting angrier than she’s ever been in her life. Kiwi twist, anyone?

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