This morning, I got a text message from a guy named Michael. Not Michael, like, the Michael I talk to every day, but a different Michael with a phone number in Bloomfield, NJ, who thought I was some girl named Jen who he met in the city who clearly gave him a fake number. He wanted to know if I was a girl and where I lived and what my age was, which I pointedly ignored in favor of a joke about how I’m hoping Jen hasn’t adopted my cell phone number as her standard fake. He thought it was funny, but that’s only because he didn’t know what “standard fake” meant.

I know that when it comes to dating advice (at least, the kind I read on yahoo all the time, because it’s hilariously flawed), you’re supposed to just take chances and stop rejecting every guy on principle, so I guess I should have just been all 26/f/rb!!! wehre should we meet? lol!, but I kind of feel like I would rather not go out with the kind of guy that, after having “misdialed” the number of a girl he liked, is happy and obliging enough to move onto a stranger whose face he’s never seen. Besides the obvious – I could be a man, I could be a lesbian – I could easily be a serial killer, I could be a child, I could be a 90-year-old lady, I could be a gay man (which I bet he was crossing his fingers against), or, worst of all (but probably not in his mind), I could just not be interested.

And that is always the worst thing. Because for every girl that’s just not interested, there is always a guy that just never seems to get it. Which is the subject of this week’s SBTB episode: The Bayside Triangle. Featuring such descriptions of kissing between friends as, “It happened. And I liked it,” and “I like how it feels. Inside,” and, “It was nice.” Because the SBTB kids are the kind of contestants on Love Connection who are both too old and too young to tell disgustingly graphic descriptions of what their genitals did during their first kiss to a whooting audience. Too gross for a start? Just read on.

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There is a documentary on the Season Five dvd set of Saved By the Bell, and, even though our brother bought us this set for Christmas two years ago, Sally and I never noticed it until last night. But, the documentary’s really weird because it’s all about how the show was groundbreaking in terms of teen television, and how it’s so loved by so many and how it taught moral lessons and was a great learning tool for young teens, and like, what? The only people interviewed are Peter Engle and a couple of directors and writers, and then some “fanatics” named Parrot and Citron and stuff talking about how much they loved the show (and how “they think they remember” it being set in high school???). It’s definitely a must miss. But, since we already had the dvd in last night, we decided to watch an episode (like our arms had to be twisted), and chose Snow White and the Seven Dorks. That’s right. SBTB rap style. Featuring boys wearing lip gloss, a whole lot of kissing, strange teacher-student dynamics (even stranger than normal), and farting.

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