Sally and I watched The Other Boleyn Girl last night with very high expectations of it being terrible. And it was. Awesomely so. But, that’s not really the point of this post. I’m not gonna get into what a weirdo hypocrite Mary was (seriously, what was up with her wanting absolutely nothing to do with the King and being terrified to have to go to his room and then all he does is say, “Hey, I was a younger sibling also,” and she’s immediately in love with him??) or how creepy and useless their father was, or how Scarlett Johansson and Natalie Portman’s accents made them sound like they grew up in completely different parts of England even though they were sisters, oh, OR the fact that they used the WORD “sister” about 200,000 times throughout the movie, or the fact that Mary would have taken Elizabeth and raised her, like, wtf was that anyway, or the fact that we’re supposed to believe that Henry was still pining after MARY for years which is so untrue, like, I SAW the first couple of episodes of the Tudors, okay?

I’m not gonna talk about it at all. I do, however, want to bring up a very important subject that was raised in this movie: stalker cam.

You know what stalker cam is: that technique employed by every woman-in-danger Lifetime movie ever, where there’s a shaky handheld camera being operated from behind a bush or outside of a window so that you just KNOW that you’re seeing the main character innocently undress for her shower through the eyes of a STALKER!

There were no stalkers in The Other Boleyn Girl (unless you count Anne and Mary’s uncle who was seriously overstepping), but for some reason practically the whole movie was filmed through narrow doorways or wrought iron windows. And maybe the director was trying to go for some kind of meaning through all this lameness (like, something about telling and keeping secrets or something). But, seriously:

It’s distracting. I felt like I was wearing an eye patch.

I love this one where you not only have to peek through a grate, but a guy, too. Some of them don’t even look real. Like I just covered half the screen with a black box in Photoshop. But, I swear, I didn’t! This is really what the movie looks like!

This one was so close to the dumb metal grate it was looking through that it can’t even focus on the thing it’s peeking through OR the guy it’s peeking at!

And, I swear, there is a person in there somewhere. You just can’t see her at all. So, yeah. That scene was really riveting.

Anyway, the movie rocked, right? So, by the way, did anyone else ever watch anything with Henry VIII and his puffed sleeves…

and instantly think Anne of Green Gables?

No?