This is where it all started:

Tapered. It’s bad on pants. It’s worse on a dress. And we’re not talking slinky, hug-your-curves, fitted dresses. I’m talking a sack dress that inexplicably suddenly cuts in below the knee and turns an otherwise dowdy and shapeless dress into a giant ass mess.

The interviews on the new Pretty in Pink dvd would have you believe that there’s nothing wrong with that prom dress, considering no one mentioned it AT ALL. But, I assure you. There was something wrong with it.
Exhibit A:

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Tuesday, October 31st.
After I hit into that door on Saturday night, I had a huge bump on my head, plus this swollen mess right between my eyes. So, it kind of looked like I was turning into a cat. That was my Halloween day Halloween costume. It was pretty gross.

But, anyway, we had a fun Halloween. We decorated the porch (we also decorated all throughout the house), as usual. This year…

We had lights and a pumpkin around the door.

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Saturday, October 28th.

Sal finally came up with a costume. If you’re not from the east coast, you probably have no idea what Utz are, but anyway. She’s the Utz girl! Isn’t that cute? I knitted this wig last year and knew it would come in handy eventually. And our mom’s been telling her how much she looks like the girl on the Utz chips bags for years. So, she was the Utz girl. And Dana (that’s our sister-in-law) was a has-been movie star. And I was, as I said, the karate loser. We’re too hot for the world.

Anyway, Saturday night was supposed to be the big night for going out for Halloween since the 31st was on a Tuesday. And we figured we’d just go to the bars in town, because then no one would have to drive. Anyway, we went to this one bar called Red, which is overpriced and pretentious, but they were supposed to be having a Halloween party. Um, except nobody was in costume. Well, a few people in the back room upstairs were dressed like they were from the 20s (the theme of the night), but for the most part, we were getting insanely odd looks. It was almost Halloween! Lame. Anyway, we stayed for one drink and then moved on.

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Thursday, October 26th.
I had this dream before I woke up on Thursday morning that I had found my brother’s old karate uniform and had gone out for Halloween as the last place contestant in a karate competition – you know, face all beat up, 10th place ribbon. And, yes, I realize that people don’t actually get that “beat up” at karate competitions ’cause there’s not a lot of punching or anything, but whatever. The Karate Kid didn’t look too rosey after the Cobra Kai kids went up against him. And besides, it was a dream.
But, anyway, when I woke up, I remembered the dream and I thought to myself, “That’s actually a good idea for a costume.” And I mean, how often does that happen – you dream something and actually end up finding it useful?
So, that was my costume. But, Sally still didn’t have one, so we decided to go to the Halloween store and look for some stuff. We mostly just wanted new wigs to play with, so we ended up buying two. Plus, these horrible masks that make you really wonder who approved these to be manufactured and sold.
They’re made of clear molded plastic – there’s a man mask and a woman mask. We thought about walking in the front door wearing the wigs and the masks, but we were worried my mom would have a heart attack, because you look like some kind of plastic surgery monster in these things. So, we walked in with the wigs, but gave her a little bit of preparation before we put on the masks. Because, well, this is what we looked like:

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