So, occassionally we’ll catch one of those magic shows on tv. You know, like, David Blaine, or one of those other guys. And we’ll be all, “Okay, seriously, how did that guy do that?” (like when they do that one trick where they have the person write something down on a piece of paper and then they burn the paper and rub it on their arm and the ashes are in the form of what the person wrote down, like, wtf???) if they do something cool, or all, “Whatever. That was so lame, I don’t even care how he did it,” when they do something not cool.
But, the funniest part about watching magic shows is to see the way people react. I mean, there’s something so pretentious and snotty about guys like David Blaine and you get really annoyed at his whole “I’m such a downer because I know magic and I’m cursed with having to perform it all the time” attitude, but then you see him, I don’t know, levitate or something, and you can’t help but crack up at the people on the street who watch him do it, get all wide-eyed, and then run away screaming.
Not that I would stop for David Blaine, ’cause he’s annoying, but I always kind of assumed that I wouldn’t be one of those people. That I’d just calmly be all, “Wow, that was neat, whatever,” because I know that it’s not for real and that it’s just a trick, right?
Oh, my God.
I went to a party for my girl Christine’s birthday at this bar, and her friend Gary was there, and he was doing card tricks. Okay, first of all, Gary made everything totally cooler than David “That’s a Major Appliance, That’s Not a Name!” Blaine would anyway, because he was totally sweet and seemed to be having a really good time – not like he was being forced against his will to perform magic tricks for scared tourists.
But, anyway, he did all these tricks for us, and they all FREAKED ME OUT! I mean, I screamed! If I hadn’t been sitting in the middle of a booth, I would’ve run away. Seriously! He would hold up a card and then flick it and it would TURN INTO A DIFFERENT CARD! And I don’t care how he did it or that there was a logical explanation for it, because all I was seeing was Gary managing to change a card into a different card. Or, like, take a card that I put back into the pile of cards (I put it back, I did!) and then make it end up on the other side of the table, UNDERNEATH the empty pack. Crazy, I tell you.
So, I’m officially one of those screaming magic-duped people. I mean, one time this guy in the dining hall did this trick where, in the end, a quarter ended up under my watch while it was on my wrist. And I totally screamed then. But, that was because it was on ME and I didn’t even notice him put it there. Creepy! But, now I know that it wasn’t just because he did something creepy that involved my skin, but because I am fa-reaked out by magic.
So, Gary, wherever you are, you totally scared me. But, it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t make you do another magic trick for me if I ever see you again. Just … you know, cover your ears.